Judgment Is Human. The Story We Add Is Optional.

Snap.

In the blink of an eye, I made a judgment.

What was it based on? Hair, clothing, the place where we crossed paths, steady eye contact that felt like a dare. You look away first because I’m not going to.

To anyone watching, it probably looked friendly enough. But from inside my skin, it felt like a challenge, not an invitation.

And my internal narrative shot out of the gate like a thoroughbred at the Kentucky Derby.

From that brief interaction, I built an entire story—about someone I didn’t know at all. And not a very nice one.

And no doubt about it, I was wrong.

I know this because it’s not the first time I’ve experienced it. And if you’re a human on this life journey, you’ve done it too.

These stories are unhelpful. I would even hazard to say they’re damaging. I don’t know exactly how damaging or to what extent, but here’s one thing I know for sure:

They damage us.

First, they create a barrier to connecting with another human being. And connection matters—for our existence on this planet and for the health of the planet itself.

The more we separate ourselves from each other, the more we separate ourselves from our mother.

Yes, I’m a natural-born tree hugger.

We need to stay connected to Mother Earth, and she asks us to stay connected to each other. Without each other, we are lost.

Second, we stunt our own growth by assuming things about others and placing ourselves in a seat of superiority.

This is a tough one because I think most of us do this more often than we realize. It’s a habit that has been ingrained in us for generations. Our Western capitalist society has done a great job training us to look at others, compare ourselves, and decide whether we are worse, the same, or better.

And the ego wants to be better.

It will look for any opportunity to confirm that we are.

But the truth is—we’re not better or worse. We are humans here doing the best we can.

But hold on… it’s not all bad.

Judgment is actually a natural feature of being human. Of being an animal.

Without judgment, the human species probably would have disappeared a long time ago.

And for those of you thinking, Good! Humans are nothing but a parasite on this planet—notice the story you’ve chosen to carry forward from those who thought that before you.

Check yourself with me.

Let’s start with judgment.

We need it because it helps us press the pause button. It’s the moment when we assess whether a situation is safe or not.

We notice differences. Similarities. Danger. Safety.

Judgment pauses the moment so we can assess.

But here’s where things start to shift.

When we leave judgment and move into story, something else happens.

Judgment isn’t a decision—not like in a courtroom.

What comes next is the decision.

Decision made.

I know enough to build the entire story about this person.

But there is a step most of us skip because it takes time and effort.

Discernment.

Is what I’m thinking true?

Why am I jumping to these conclusions?

Back to the dare stare I was locked in.

I actually had enough information to make a decision for myself without creating a story about the other person.

My decision was simple.

Lose the unspoken contest.

Bring the interaction to a close.

Move on with my day.

In that moment, I knew this wasn’t a person I wanted to invest my energy or time in.

I don’t back down from a stare dare.

I choose not to participate.

And those are two very different things.

I decide where my energy goes.

I decide what I want to do and feel in my day (outside of extenuating circumstances). And I can also decide to leave that person in peace and not think about it again.

I don’t want to carry him around with me.

I can put him down when I walk away.

It takes practice.

The mind is tricky and the ego is strong. When given free rein, it will replay the interaction again and again.

But I’m in the saddle. And I decide where we go next.

(Me and my multiple personalities—the ones that defend me and the ones that condemn.)

It’s work, no question. But with enough awareness, practice, and repetition, the deeply ingrained habit of judging and condemning becomes a path we travel less and less.

Some people may not care about judging and condemning others in their minds all day long.

But I worry it’s the path to deeper separation—from ourselves, from others, and from the incredible planet we live on.

My friends, it’s all connected.

Every thought matters.

Every action matters.

Taking care of yourself so that you can be your best for others matters.

So what are the next steps?

Start by asking yourself:

What else is possible?

What else could be true?

What's the kind thought and best action for me?

Just begin there. Go beyond the first story.

Soften your heart.

Because here’s what I feel in my bones to be true:

Each of us is a universe within ourselves. Lifetimes are unfolding in every human being we meet.

And we have no idea what someone else has been through, what they’re going through, or what is still to come for them.

You are infinite, my love.

And so is everyone else.

Have joy and compassion for the vast experiences you know nothing about.